Friday, October 29, 2010

Modern times

This is how modern shit works: make friends on the internet and then do this

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Awkward conversation with an authority figure no. 57

I am playing art director seeing as though DWad is on holidays.

Yesterday, as I was checking an ad, I realised that the copy flowed over the dude's crotch. Being the subtle rose I am, I went to the designer to get this fixed using the words 'the copy is on his cock'. Being the polite Englishman, he too had noticed it but had chosen not to say anything. So together, we moved it around so the word 'download' wasn't right on top of his knob.

Onto the awkward bit.

I had to show the ad to the creative director who is pretty much like a dad. A kind dad who would probably refer to his penis as 'my winkle' or 'my wife's best friend' – that's if he'd even talk about it at all. As he was looking over it, he looked at the copy which was now resting delicately between an arm and the penis and mentioned it was quite close to his arm. Now, at this point, my brain did set an alarm off to try and handle this in a ladylike manner. However, because I was trying so hard and I had realised I had taken slightly too long to answer I said, rather loudly,

"It's like that because THE COPY WAS ON HIS COCK!!!!"

Monday, October 25, 2010

The trials of an artist

I recognise I have annoying traits. Sometimes I find my face annoying, so I feel for the people who have to look at it everyday. Apparently before I eat, I make a tutututut noise with my mouth ¬– this is no doubt in anticipation of lunch deliciousness the work canteen/Tesco offers. Then, after the afore mentioned lunch, I do another tutututut noise. This is probably my brain and mouth working in harmony, thinking about the chocolate I am going to eat at about 2:30.

But this isn’t all about me. Let’s talk about other annoying people. Like the woman in my drawing class yesterday who ‘mmmmmed’ at everything the tutor said. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING.

“I’m blind in one eye” = mmmmmmm
“Just loosen up your arm” = mmmmmmm
“Let’s do the roll call” = mmmmmmm

It was like she was trying to kill me. Then, I had to deal with the girl next to me who was squeaking her charcoal against the paper. Seriously, people should have more consideration for people (freaks) whose mouth waters and body shudders at such sounds.

And a final question to you all, if you were called Melinda, why in the hell would you prefer to be called Mindy?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Hot or not

Apparently I'm not a early adopter. When I say apparently, there's no real room for ambiguity, so let me start that again.

I'm not an early adopter.

I don't have an iphone. I don't even have a cool phone. I have a freebie that turns off all the time. Actually, I don't even have a phone contract.
I only got into pointy shoes 5 years after they were cool.
I bitched about skinny jeans for a year before filling my drawer full of them.
I refused to use predictive text until 2008 or was it 2009?

I have been abused by player haters for my continued usage of this little blue wonder. Oh, I've been battered with words like 'intuitive, user friendly, accessible' and more hurtful ones like 'loser' but they're just empty promises and cutting words that do not cut me. Hotmail is da shit. It's aesthetically pleasing, it's easy to use and it happens to have all of my emails from the past 11 years.

It has suddenly occurred to me that people outside the pioneering world of advertising knows what the fuck an early adopter is. Nor do they probably care.

Oh god. I'm hotmail using, jargon dropping wanker.