Sunday, December 30, 2007

Ugh, again with the too much funess

I'm sick again. Damn snow. Well, probably damn the too much fun in the snow part but let's not dwell on the details and throw a little sympathy my way for I cannot swallow or breathe and I really need to go to sleep because a. I didn't get enough sleep last night and had to be up at 515am to catch a plane which would end up being delayed by 3 hours and b. it's NYE tomorrow night and I have some partying to do. Oh, and I also want to go shopping. Airborne germs are really messing with my social life and capacity for tolerating phlegm.

Ok, so being the ski bunny I am, I have just got back from the snow. Oooh, it sounds sooo European. If only I was as graceful at skiing as I am at, um, eating ice cream? Stepping over cracks in the pavement? Hmm, so point is, I am probably the most unco skier in the world. Pascal, my ski instructor, said I looked like an aeroplane taking off for Sydney whilst going down the slopes. That's what you get for trying to put technique into practice. Ridicule.

So let's go back to the first day at the snow. Megan and I are there, primed in our ski gear, minds like sponges ready to be turned into pro skiers by a preferably hot French ski instructor (note to self, next time try snowboarding)to be told our lesson isn't til the afternoon. So being the proactive person she is, Megan decides that we should play around on our skis for a bit. I agree thinking we'll put them on and do some gliding around on the flat bits. So we do that for oh, all of 5 seconds before she suggests we should catch one of the chairlifts to the 'beginner' slopes. Yes, great idea to do that when you were too scared to slide down the slight bump in the flat bit earlier. So Vanessa decides the slope doesn't look too high from the bottom and really, how hard can a bit of skiing be, so she agrees to go up there. By the way, I don't know why I am now referring to myself in the 3rd person but let's go with it. So we go up the chairlifts (I am on one by myself) when I realise I don't know how to get off the bloody thing. The dude next to me senses this, and pushes me off it. I don't know how to stop, so I lose my balance, cross my skis and stop by falling flat on my back and hitting my head. Great start.

So after this minor blip, I make my way to the edge of the slope. The very steep edge that didn't look steep because I couldn't bloody see it from the bottom. So I take a deep breath, watch Megan stack it and hope that some of the Winter Olympic watching I've done in the past will pay off. It doesn't. I stack in about 5 seconds after take off. I try to get up. I fall over. I try again. Fall over once more, this time so my skis are all twisted. I lie back in the snow wondering how I am going to untwist my skis and if a helicopter will have to come and get me down. While I am debating how long I can lay in the middle of the slope, a snowboarder comes and asks if I want a hand. Ummmm, duh. So I managed to pull him over three times while trying to get up, then he slides me down the mountain onto a flatter bit. In the process he tells me it's his first day snowboarding. Ha, don't I feel like a dickhead. So anyway, he leaves me standing closer to the bottom and as soon as he leaves, I fall again. This time I manage to get up on my own and make my way to the bottom and tell Megan I am never doing that again and we are waiting until our lesson.

I won't bore you so I will give you some dot points until another interesting story:

- the weather was fantastic, blue skies everyday, not too cold
- food was great, I became obsessed with ham
- my ski instructor thought I spoke fantastic French, ok, so he said very good, but I think they are the same. He even spoke to me in French when I kept on falling down one day during my lesson. I didn't really get what he was saying, something about falling on purpose but I was flattered he thought I did.
- xmas day was great. There was about 700 of us up there and we all went to the top of one of the mountains for a santa run down the slopes in our santa hats (note I didn't participate due to having only 1 lesson and hadn't learned how to turn at that point)
- got up on stage and did air guitar in a matching red wig with Megan at the retro party
- made the most hideous looking snowman, we didn't realise there was a technique to making these things
- lost control during a lesson and accidentally groped one of the girls while trying to stop
- did snow angels in the snow with Megan (may have been the turning point in the catching of illness)

Final story is of my final day skiing where I had a spectacular stack. Yes, the skis fell off, snow went in my mouth, skis hit the thigh, there was skidding, turning and wincing on Megan's behalf who was watching. I had previously been congratulating myself on my beautiful turns (Pascal said skiing is all in the mind so I was building up my mind power cause that's what sports people do) when I went too fast, thought I was going to go over the mountain so I decided I would take one for the team. Smart yet bruisy decision.

So now I am back in London trying to get better so I can go out tomorrow night. I can almost breathe through my nose so that's a good indicator I should try and sleep.

Night and see you in 2008!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

So obviously I've been having a little too much fun

Ok, it's been way too long since I last updated. And you know what? I can't remember what I've ben doing. Of course it's going to come rushing back to me once I've logged off and shut down my computer, so I'll do my best in my post flu state. Seeing as though I am getting old I must do some complaining about the flu I just had. It was the worst flu I've ever had. Ummm, that's about it because I've just been distracted remembering what I've been doing lately.

So, I went away to Winchester and stayed in the most beautiful country manor. Yes, la di da to me. I finally got to enjoy a perk as a creative and was taken away for a day and night (during work) with Sony for some quad biking, rope swinging and night of drinking and sleeping in the English countryside. The manor was a 5 star hotel and was sooooo grand. Breakfast was held in the most exquisite library with huge bay windows and dark wooden bookshelves. It was amazing. The buffet breakfast also helped with my extremely high impression of the place. I also had a team lunch overlooking the Thames at a rather fancy restaurant. Entree and main were nothing to rate a claim of 'best ever' in the Vanessa food stakes but the dessert was probably the best crumble I've ever had. It was delectable.

I also went very festive and went to some Christmas Markets in Lincoln. Now, the thought was there to be all festive and whatever, but seriously, when it's pissing down with rain and you've never been so cold in your life, the cheer dies and you look for the closest pub. Lincoln was beautiful, despite the rain and hoards of old people. I left wondering why I had gotten up at 5am on a Saturday morning but somewhat pleased with my yule tide efforts.

Friday I had another team day out which involved a flotation tank. Yes, it's a little 90's. No, it's not my idea of relaxation, but I was happy to try it. So imagine me naked (well, actually, don't), in a egg shaped pod listen to some whales mate with a porn red light on. Got it? Ok, so after trying to 'float and relax' I hit my head on the tap realising I was floating the wrong way around. Having messed up my 'free mind state' I get tank (salt) water in my eyes and find myself desperately grabbing around for the emergency water bottle. In the process of using the jet function in my eyes (I'm not sure which hurt more) I get more salt water in my eyes. I realise I didn't bring any make up with me and I now look like a panda and have to face my team (5 blokes) for the rest of the team night out. So I get out of the pod and look for a mirror to try and wipe my eyes. Can't find one. Get back in the pod - right way round. Decide to try and relax. Change mind and decide to open pod door again to see what the time is. Bump head on stupid pod door. Have only wasted ten minutes. Have 40 minutes left. Get back in pod. Close pod door. Lay down and start pushing myself from side to side in the pod. This is fun. Do this for about 15-20 minutes. Then decide to try flipping over onto stomach without getting salt water in eyes again. Not the best idea. Decide to try and relax. Start thinking head is very heavy in supposedly easy to float nil gravity water. Must have a lot of brains. Try to relax again. Find relaxing position of legs crossed and arms folded above head. Almost alseep when wales start mating again and it's time to get out.

So I don't think I'll do that again.

Ok, gotta go to bed, if I don't get to write again before next year, pray I don't break any bones skiing in France and I don't get hypothermia.

Wind chill -40. I'd just like to remind everyone that I sit at work which is heated with a blanket around me. I may not leave my room.