Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm sporty, therefore I am

Well, I wish it were true. I've been accused, albeit quite rightly, that I have no interest in sport because, well, I'm pissed off I'm not good at it. Waiting inside my non-sporty abnormally slow half Asian legs is a competitive firecracker waiting to throw, kick or sprint somewhere in 0 to 10 seconds. Yes, Usain Bolt is inside me.

A year ago I decided extreme frisbee could be my newfound sporting talent. However when I came up with this, I didn't actually know what it was. Upon conducting some research I found out it involved running and tackling. Extreme frisbee was quickly ditched. Prior to my first skiing holiday in December, I had secret fantasies of being 'discovered' as an Olympic skier on the slopes. Upon actually skiing and never getting past snow plough after a week of lessons, this idea was also ditched. I also like the idea of touch football. I fear I only like the idea of it and the implementation of me playing it will result in being benched the whole time. But, I am yet to try.

So yes, in a nutshell, I wish I was really good at sport. It helps you in life. Just like not having a massive growth on your face helps, being abnormally witty or one of those weird, kind of creepy nice, thoughtful personalities. I possess none of these afore mentioned growths or traits, and having delayed hand eye coordination, zero interest in watching sport except WWF wrestling and ballet (yes, both are sports fuckers), it leaves me in no man sports land when hanging with the masses.

As I write this I am sitting with my housemate who is yelling at the tv. I'm stopping typing every so often to 'woo' and put my hands in the air when someone scores, just to get into the spirit, but, let's face it, it's a. forced and b. I don't think he actually gives a shit whether I'm wooing or not. Yes, it's football time here in the UK (soccer for the Aussies) and there is some big game on tonight. Not being into football in this country leaves you with the following problems:

1. When working with 97% males you don't get invited to the pub after work to bond, man hug, watch the game and talk about the game the day after

2. Leaves you with little small talk options with the male bosses in the lift

3. Can't get krispy kremes if you're not part of the Fantasy League - don't exactly know what this is but it involves trading players. Personally, it's all about the donuts.

Don't get me wrong. I've had years of trying my hand in sport. I participated, and I use this word loosely in the mortifying softball throw (I came last) in year 7 as well as 4 years of D grade school netball and tennis. I've also done the obligatory girlfriend spectator duties for both basketball and football for long 5 years. Seriously, I've put in the hard yards. But now, I'm done. Although I suppose if Danny Cipriani ditched Kelly Brook, then yes, I'd support my man. But pretend I'm actually interested in the game? I think not.

So lesson learned is that I should procreate with a sporty, handy around the house, mathematician. The latter two failures are stories for next time.

1 comment:

Mars said...

sport and sports people are highly over rated... so what if a person can run really, really fast? big shit, you train your whole life just to be able to run really, really fast.

they're actually achieving nothing, when you think about it. so you won a race? awesome. if you were outrunning a cheetah, i'd be impressed, but a race? for nothing? big shit.