Sometimes I get worried, genuinely worried, I don't know enough stuff. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've tried to fill in the many gaps but no matter how much I try (and honestly, these tries are probably rather half hearted) I can't retain information.
Ask me a famous person's baby name and I'll tell you. Ask me the about some of the most insignificant moments of my life and I'll recite them perfectly. Ask me me a Dean Cain fact and I'll bore you for hours.
But I can't work out percentages. I don't know what most big words mean. I don't know plant types, dog types or even religious types. I don't know how long cooked meat should be left in a fridge and I ashamedly can't remember the finer details of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. How can I possibly ever have children when I have the most useless information to pass onto them?
"Mummy, tell me about the Cold War"
"How about we ask Google?"
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE INVERTED COMMAS GO. AND NOW I'M HAVING A MENTAL BLANK, ARE THEY CALLED INVERTED COMMAS OR QUOTATIONS?!
My brain is a murky pond of plankton, and not much else. By my age, I'm supposed to know more. I know I am.
I even tried consulting Bill Bryson's Short History of Nearly Everything. It was really interesting. I wanted to retain everything I read so badly. I read about how the universe was created and about atoms and neutrons but fuck, the plankton is infiltrating my brain's best intensions and I think perhaps neutrons might belong in your brain and not in the stratosphere.
Oh god. I'm confused. I think I need to lay down.
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1 comment:
Ness this is exactly how I feel! I even read Bill Bryson's Short History of Nearly Everything. (Brilliant book, just wish I could remember more of it when I do the quiz in the paper every Saturday.)
Thank goodness for Google though, now available anywhere anytime on our iPhones!
Tegs
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