Do you ever only act weird around certain people? I do. There are people who bring out my weirdness, usually because I don't know what to say to them. They're mostly people in authority, like a couple of my bosses at work, where I say really inappropriate, random things to them.
Example one
Scene: At a random desk. It's one my new boss' first day and I decide to strike up a conversation with him which is totally not like me.
Me: Hi, I'm Vanessa, how are you going?
Him: Hi, I'm XXXX. How are you going?
Me: Good thanks, how are you?
Him: Good, how are you?
Me: Err, good thanks.
Example two
Scene: In the kitchen. It's day three for the afore mentioned boss. We're boiling water together. He's making a selfish tea round, I can't get away with that shit, so I'm on about four cups.
Me: Hi, how's it going?
Him: Oh yea, you know how it is when you start somewhere new.
Me: Yeah, you totally feel like a spare dick.
Him: Err, did you just say spare dick? (note this man is a WRITER)
Me: Um, yes, spare dick. You know, spare dick?
Him: No, no I don't.
Example three
Scene: In the kitchen. Again, the below conversation is with boss dude. Note to self, I really should check he isn't in the kitchen before I venture in there next. Again, we're making tea. Him, a selfish one, me, a morning round I, no doubt, did with a lot of fuss and claims of 'you're just asking me because I'm a woman'.
Him: Hi
Me: Hi (cautiously)
Him: Most Aussies don't drink tea.
Me: I know, I've assimilated.
Him: I don't drink it that much, I've just started getting into coffee.
(The conversation is going normally until this point where I launch into a passionate rant about how English people don't understand what good coffee is. This goes on for a full kettle boil. It is long and unnecessary, but once I get started on this topic, I have to finish).
Him: Err, yes. Well, instant coffee..
Me: DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT SHIT. It's soooo the equivalent of Melanie Griffiths 'finding her way' in the corporate world of Working Girl. HA HA HA HA.
Him: I was going to say I quite like it. Are you saying I'm like Melanie Griffiths?
Me: Oh. Yes. Well. Some of it's nice. And. Um. No. HA.
I should stop making tea.
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3 comments:
Hey Ness, that's some funny shit - don't go thinking you're weird at all. Dave didn’t answer your inquiry, so you asked again. Weird would be:
You: Hi, I'm Vanessa, how are you going?
Him: Hi, Dave. Good thanks. How are you going?
Me: Good thanks, how are you?
Him: Good, how are you?
Me: Err, good thanks.
It's those stiffs with no sense of humour that are the weirdos. I mean, let's face it; the only time an extra dick doesn't feel out of place is on a Rugby League end of season tour..... And there's nothing wrong with being a coffee snob. I'd be drinking tea too, if it were down to a choice between Twinings and Nescafe! God, I haven't had an instant coffee for over a decade with very good reason: it tastes like crap!
In your defence I think Dave totally owned the "weirdness" in comment one but for the rest of them you are the Queen of Quirky! Absolutely love it and wouldn't change you for anything! :)
I love you Ness.... seriously... I wanna make sweet love to your brain on the floor...
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