Hack

Does anyone else feel like a complete hack sometimes? Is it just my job or does hackism and self doubt span further than the shallow world of advertising?

Some days I feel like I'm on fire. I am a writing machine. But that's only sometimes. If they were doing a survey of dentists like on the Colgate ads (except obviously they wouldn't be interviewing dentists - derr), the voice over would read 'did you know that Vanessa is mediocre four out of five working days?'. Is it ok to know and be ok with the fact you're just ok at your job? Do people who are brilliant at things know that they brilliant? Probably. So I guess I'm not.

Is it a defeatist attitude to be mediocre? Or is it a result of things coming too easy to our generation so if something's hard, we just give up and try something else? Who knows. I'm driven to try because I'm stubborn and competitive, rather than passionate. I don't think I want to be brilliant for the right reasons so maybe that's why I never will be. I can't work out whether it's a smart thing to be ambivalent about ambition or just, I don't know, lazy. Sometimes I think a lack of ambition equates to happiness because you fill your life with more things that just your career. You have a better balance in your life, you put more energy into other, more important things. Other times, I think it's just an excuse for not trying. Some days, I think the only thing that tips me above average is because I can't reconcile which one I am.