Ah my favourite words. Perhaps I take my role as defender for all minorities (or perhaps in my case, the next superpower minority) too seriously, but I take offense to anything followed by 'racist but'. It evokes massive feelings of rage and while I internally debate whether the imbecile who spoke the forbidden words is worth my wrath, numerous things cross my mind. Should I give them a Chinese burn? No, I have weak, weak arms. Should I smack them in the head? It would be funny, but I'm pretty sure I was raised not to hit people.
So the afore mentioned phrase is, in my experience, always said from the mouths of, I hate to say it, Australians. I hate that I am bagging my peeps again, but do people seriously think if they say that they're not racist, it will justify what's to follow from their mouth? My latest gripe was a comment about Asians. It's usually about 'us' anyway. God there is so many of us that you can pretty much shove 'em all under one, cheaply made umbrella. Sure, we're all the same. We usually do the same dumb things, are all good at maths and just want to study all the time while playing the violin and eating with those damn hard to use chopsticks. Now seriously, come on. Are Europeans all the same? I especially like the fact that people chose to bitch to me, out of everyone, because most people don't realise the girl with half slanty eyes and a fatter nose than most is HALF CHOPSTICK. Duh.
So back to the story. This dude I was sitting next to at dinner the other night started talking about 'the Asians'[insert horror music here]. I'm going to reenact the discussion conversational form so you get the full picture:
Him: 'You know Asians?'
Slanty girl: 'What all of them?'
Him: 'Nah, you know Chinese and Japanese'.
Slanty girl: 'Yeah what about them?'
Him: 'Did you ever notice that they all wear bike helmets backwards?'
Slanty girl: 'Um, no, I haven't'.
Him: 'They all do, can't they get it right?'
Seriously, what do you do with someone like this?
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15 comments:
i would go with the head slap!!!!
chop stick in the eye?
i'm not racist, i hate all blacks evenly
I kinda hate old people... does that count as racism?
Thank you for all the suggestions.
I think hating the aged is called 'ageism'.
Is it bad karma to hate something you will become ie old???
It possibly is... but COME ON... you must admit, they're getting WORSE. It's like they think that by being stupid the world will revert to the way it used to be in the 1950's... I'm sorry. Shit runs on remotes now. They have UNIVERSAL frickin symbols on them. Learn them.
Sigh. Ok I won't go on ad nauseum...
The just frustrate me is all....
*mumble, mumble*
But they are so funny when you explain stuff (800 times)to them. My fathers wonderment about an entire movie fitting on a disk, my mothers insistence on referring to SMS's as a telegram. Priceless.
Hey Ness, I went to Dumpling King again the other night. It was awesome. Asians may make cheap umbrellas, but their food kicks major booty.
;)
They make cheap umbrellas?
I didn't even know there where EXPENSIVE umbrellas...
Has our Neanderthal dinner guest considered that this may be a fashion statement? Like the baseball cap on backwards/sideways/askew? Or maybe they (all those Chinese and Japanese) consider protection of the forebrain takes precedence over the occipital lobe. I'm sure he's including the odd Korean, Vietnamese and Filipino in there too, after all, they do all look the same....
No doubt he’s been using that canny observation as a conversation starter for weeks and probably even getting a laugh. Well don’t keep us in suspense Ness! What did you do with him? I can think of a number of appropriately painful options but like you say, you were raised not to raise a hand in anger. Trouble is, witty ripostes usually fall flat on retards like this so we are left with violence or internalisation, which leads to ulcers.
Yoel, first off Dumpling King? I think I should be taking offense to that name.
I'm afraid my response, after imagining smacking him in the head, was to stare at him for about five seconds, completely ignore him and then turned to speak to someone else.
While it's not bad karma to hate something you will become i.e old, I think you should consider the benefits. For example, I look forward to driving really slow to piss people off as well as hitting the young folk with my walking stick - cause I will. Watch your knees kids.
I am intrigued - what is he referring to? I have never seen anyone wear a helmet backwards? Am I missing something?
Oh I know - he is referring to us two headed Asians - we have to wear one helmet backwards incase our heads knock into each other whilst on our motorbikes, whcih by the way we are on constantly.
Why what does he wear on his nobhead?
Well, because we are all so good at maths we would definitely want to protect our braincells. I think the double helmet approach is definitely the way to go.
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