Saturday, August 09, 2008

Home truths

I completely lack any kind of direction and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

By almost 27 surely you should stop having these mini freak outs. God, it's annoying. Am I not supposed to have some kind of clear direction and grip on my life by now? This haziness is affecting my happiness and I don't like it. It's making me feel blah and I don't do blah. I will not do blah when I have been making people want to vomit with my pro life propaganda up until a couple of months ago. I feel like I'm treading water and I don't like it. London is getting to me and I don't like that either. I'm listening to depressing music on my ipod and generally doing a lot of staring at random things. Sometimes I sigh for dramatic effect and I hate sighers. I will not stoop to this level of patheticness! Someone slap me now like they did to hysterical woman in the twenties.

Why am I acting like this? There's absolutely nothing wrong with my life. Work is better, I have great friends over here, I love my house and my flatties, I go away on fantastic holidays and get to do and see amazing things, yet I feel kind of jaded by it all. I feel unimpressed. Kind of blase and empty. I simply don't know what to do but (as I just wrote that I had a flash in my head that said you'll work it out by October). Wow, that's really new age of me. OH MY GOD MAYBE I CAN WORK ON A PSYCHIC HELPLINE!!

Problem solved. There's finally a use for that Madam V nickname that was given to me all those years ago.

3 comments:

Dances With Zombies said...

LOVE that you tried life drawing Ness!! It's SO hard isn't it!! I've only done it a few times, but would love to do more of it. It's very challenging. Keep at it!!

Also I dunno if you're ever supposed to figure out what you do all the way through life, or even tomorrow necessarily. If you knew then what would be the point? It's supposed to be random, directionless and occasionally boring... otherwise you'd never appreciate the good bits when they happen!

:-)

Anonymous said...

I can just see you in a market stall on Sunday mornings charging 25 quid to read palms.... Well maybe not, touching the palms of the unwashed sounds pretty yuk to me now that I think about it. Perhaps a few props like a crystal ball and those cards with gruesome pictures on them. You'll have to wear a bandana of course.... a purple one.

Mars said...

humph... i was going to do one of those 'woe is me, i'm 27 and don't seem to be achieving anything' posts today... but i can see this ground has been well covered, first by omel, and now you.

i'll just have to think of something else then, i suppose.