Bite me

As I sit down to write this post I am rubbing frozen bread* on my legs. Some of you may ask why? Is it the latest thing to do on a Sunday afternoon? Is it what the cool people do? Hell no. I'll tell you why. Because animals take great joy in biting me. Let me recap the biggest bites of my life:

1. A donkey
2. 70 mozzie bites in Spain (I am not exaggerating!)
3. A dog
4. ANTS

Now, I would like someone to explain this last one to me. How can something so small induce such puffiness and itchiness in a person? I have the puffiest hand, ankle, calf and bottom of my foot in the world. Ok, not like elephantitis puffy, but still, puffy. And this is from a normal black ant. Honestly, I'm going to get malaria or something in Thailand, aren't I?

(*not only do you get frozenness but texture to itch as well)